Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
