I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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