Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
