she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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