He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
