I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize