Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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