FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
