my phone needs a breathalizer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
