I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
