We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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