What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm too high and old for this...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
