matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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