I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
