WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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