Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
