I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
