its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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