i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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