She is in my trunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
