im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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