Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
