i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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