I just cut my nipple shaving
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
