I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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