we're blogging at a bar
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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