what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
