so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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