So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
