He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't notice because vodka
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
