Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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