my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
