You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Someone came in the potted fern
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
