i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize