Kiss
Puke
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
