i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
