I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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