Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
