I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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