From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
