ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
