Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
