i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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