I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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