obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize