i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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