thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
