Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
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I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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