I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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