Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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