Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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