So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
