Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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