The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection