I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky