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you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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