I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're like the curious george of whores
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital