sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.