At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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