She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
