Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
