she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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