Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
