maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
