Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
