I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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