Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
