mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
